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Friday, June 25th, 2004
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9:58 am
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things my way have been... okay. i'm glad they are all clear now, however. as many of you may not know, i'm not moving to canada. things and people change and so do hearts, mainly mine. instead i am moving to raleigh, nc. i guess i'm just not ready to give up everything i have here. friends, family, my life in general.
i'm starting to finally feel like a 'young woman' i guess you could call it. i have a regular job, cell phone, i now have a loft that i start paying rent on soon, car, etc etc. its just nice to finally have a LIFE outside of guilford college.
i am also starting to realize that i am a LOT more open minded and liberal than the majority of the nation and more than many of my closer friends. i dunno, i feel like my logic is different than most of the people i associate and talk with...
i dont hold any die hard beliefs in anything really. i thing everything is relative. i guess what kinda got me on this contemplative kick is when i was watching late night tv and there was this preacher on who was talking about how you have to stand up to the temptations of the world and how god is the only one and true way to live a happy and healthy life and yadda yadda yadda. so i'm sitting there thinking... i'm not even sure if there IS a god because i think to everyone the idea of a god or higher being is different. like... i think that the hindu gods vs. budddah vs. the christian god is all the same manifestation of the same idea/being/whatever, just expressed differently in different cultures.
god to me is like the wind. something i can live with or without, sometimes dont notice, cant see but can see the effects of, can sometimes smell but it mainly gives me allergies so i just kind of am ambivalent to the whole topic. this entry is getting long. i'm becoming queen of stream of conciousness writing. thats ok though because now that i am out of school, writitng structure really isnt ALL that important... especially in a live journal, i guess.
although it does bother me like on the message boards when people use spelling and grammar that is just atrocious. i can deal with a little bit but i mean, how difficult is it to take the effort to use the correct there, their, or they're? honestly people... wtf?
mkay rant mode off. this weekend should be OK. i'm going to see marcus intalex at the jungle hole, which should be a good show. mr. intalex can bring the heat when he wants to.
i hope my friends are all doing well. i see a lot of negative, sad entries from a lot of you lately and i hope that you guys all know that i am never farther than a phone call away at any time. i love you all and hope you have a good weekend :)
<3
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, June 20th, 2004
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11:40 pm - simi :(
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I suppose I could just walk away
Will I disappoint my future if I stay?
It's just a day that brings it all about
Just another day and nothing's any good.
current mood: Sade ~ King of Sorrow
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, May 24th, 2004
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9:20 pm
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i dont think i'll be online much for the next few days.
my grampa died.
life seems so fragile sometimes. so short. so... insignificant.
and then i remember that there are things to live for... like love. and friends. and old, fat kitties who know just when the right time is to come and want to cuddle you instead of the other way around.
i hope my grampa lived for those kinds of things.
i love him and he'll be missed.
<3
current mood:  sad
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(8 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, May 20th, 2004
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11:25 pm - re: some people in my life
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-i dont care that i dont care, but i do care maybe a little bit about not caring about not caring-
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Thursday, May 13th, 2004
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5:00 pm
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bout that time again. sitting. watching the phone. waiting... praying for it to ring. lol. today has been a pretty cool day. i've actually had some things to do, believe it or not.
besides work related stuff, i've had this whole beheading thing on my mind. i watched the video last night online and wondered where the executioner's sense of humanity was. then i came to the conclusion that americans simply do not understand the culture over in the middle east, no matter how much we think we understand and embrace all cultures. americans on a whole are bigots. if you say you arent, you arent being honest with yourself but at the same time if you flaunt the fact that you are, which i see america doing for the most part right now, you deserve to be shit on. i really feel like the us needs to have its ass beat down for once so we can all stop thinking we are invincible. i mean really... who died and made us dictator of the world? i must have missed that memo. :-\
it feels like the US is finding more and more enemies in the world. one day it is all going to backdfire and it will be the world against us more so than it already is. its depressing. im debating on if i should even vote this coming up election. i mean, if we got this wacko in office now because he won all of the electoral votes, whats even the point of having a population vote? it doesnt matter at all. it doesnt make a god damned difference. if the people cant have in office whoever got the most votes BY the people, whats the point? this whole electoral college thing worked well when there were people spread all out all over the country and it could take weeks for them to even get a voting slip, but those days are gone. people arent out in booney land where there are no roads, trails, etc etc unless they want to be and in that case, if they arent paying taxes coz they dont want to be part of this country then they shouldnt get to vote anyway. my point here is... well, what is the point? if the people's voice isnt heard, what is the point of placing a vote at all. blah.
i had this creepy dream last night that has really got me thinking about if i really want to have kids. it was me running from someone chasing me. i had a baby i was carrying and all of the buildings were rubble and there was no place to hide. me being a psych major thinks its me feeling overwhelmed by this whole war quagmire we seem to have gotten ourselves into and me being afraid of bringing an individual into such a fucked up place with no where safe to support and raise them. *shrug* i think i might be thinking a little too far into it but eh... its what i do i suppose. ;)
<3
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, May 12th, 2004
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5:00 pm - whelp...
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ive been thinking a lot today about what i want to do in the long run as far as my education goes. i know that i need some kind of longer break than a few months. im not sure that i want to go to grad school just yet. i dont know. i go back and fourth on it a lot on what i want to do. for now i'm thinking that i'll take things one step at a time, the first step being get to vegas. after i get back from there, i move to canada. the step after that, take care of the job situation and get settled. im not sure whats after that. there really seems to be so many options and opportunities i can take advantage of in the next few months, im having a little bit of dissonance actually. im not sure exactly what i want to do. i feel like my entire life ive been on some sort of structured track and now there is nothing and everything all at the same time. it's an interesting feeling to say the least.
i'm really happy my dad is here.you know, even though he can get on my nerves a little from time to time, i really really love him. the things that used to irk the shit out of me when i was younger i can now accept as that is just the way he is. thats my dad. for example... whenever he sends me a package, i swear to god its got more packaging material in it than the actual thing he is trying to send me. i used to think it was really annoying and would get irritated about it, but really, i know that deep down he does it because he cares and wants whatever it is hes sending me to get there in one piece. im beginning to realize the same thing about my mom and step dad as well. i love them.
besides that, not much is going on with me. i'm getting paid to sit here and be on the internet at the moment because i am "watching the phones" that never ring. *shrug* no complaints on my end. its great working for my mom because i get away with a lot more than i normally would like taking my dog out for a 10 minute potty break to walk around. im not exactly sure what it is i am supposed to be doing here so i get bored pretty easily, but when things get a little more settled im sure that'll go away and i'll have actual tasks to do everyday. i like jobs like that. right now i feel purposeless.
i got some pretty radical clothes last night, compliments of my mom. i unpacked all of my clothes from my dorm and she looks and goes 'uhm what were you planning to wear to the office tomorrow?' realizing i dont really have ANYTHING that is office appropriate. i can go in looking like a fancy clubber girl but somehow i cant imagine her bing to happy about that. so now i am currently wearing a really spring-y white and teal skirt with a matching top, coordinated earings, and my patent leather white flip flops on. i feel cute, damnit. lol
i hope you all out there in internet land are doing well. i think about you lots. especially bq and tony at the moment coz i know you guys are having some tough times. i'm always here for ya if you need me and i love you. :)
ciao!
<3
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(8 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, May 1st, 2004
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2:06 pm - STOLEN!
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i jacked this from a friend's friend page:
"Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most
men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling
and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that
aren't as good, but easy... So the apples at the top think something is wrong
with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the
right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the
top of the tree. Share this with other women who are good apples, even those
who have already been picked! And... Men are like a fine wine. They start out
as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn
into something acceptable to have dinner with."
lol im not sure how i feel about the last part, but its an interesting analogy.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, April 30th, 2004
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12:35 pm
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| Wednesday, April 28th, 2004
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2:55 pm - Stargate 2001
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| Tuesday, April 27th, 2004
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4:29 pm
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4:06 pm - awwwe jeah.
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| Friday, April 23rd, 2004
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9:57 pm
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Notice me.
Take my hand.
I make believe
That you are here
It's the only way
I see clear
What have I done?
You seem to move uneasy
Everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you, baby.
current mood: lonely
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, April 21st, 2004
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1:28 pm - ugh...
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They must think im fucking stupid.
From : Support Charterone <support@charterone.com>
Reply-To : Support@charterone.com
Sent : Wednesday, April 21, 2004 8:59 AM
To : ME! (i deleted my addy so the crazies cant find me more)
Subject : FleetBank Email Verification Required
Dear CharterOne Bank Member,
This email was sent by the CharterOne Bank server to verify your e-mail
address. You must complete this process by clicking on the link
below and entering your CharterOne Bank ATM/Debit
Card number , Expiration Date and PIN that you use on ATM.
This is done for your protection because some of
our members no longer have access to their email addresses and
we must verify it. This is to prevent any type of online fraud .
CharterOne Bank is made to protect your identity online.
To verify your e-mail address and protect your CharterOne Bank account,
click on the link below. If nothing happens when you click on the
link (or if you use AOL), copy and paste the link into
the address bar of your web browser.
http://www.charter-one.com/
Thank you for using CharterOne Bank
clever little buggers. heres the real link http://www.charterone.com
looks the same only... not. even the links link back to the original page to look more legit. i hope these fuckers get some sort of debilitating STD. get a job. seriously.
*annoyed*
current mood:  irritated
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, April 19th, 2004
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3:41 pm
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congrats cameron. you're amazing.
http://www.blackhat.com/main.html
Blind SQL Injection Automation Techniques
Cameron Hotchkies, 0x90.org
Due to improper software design and implementation practices, the number of web-based applications vulnerable to SQL injection is still alarmingly high. Yet the actual steps used to exploit these applications remain very tedious and repetitive. This presentation will focus on methods available to automate the task of exploiting blind sql injection holes and will discuss the use of pattern recognition in the domain of web applications. This talk will also feature a new tool, "SQueaL" and explain some of the research, decisions and algorithms used in the creation of this tool.
July 29th! :)
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, April 10th, 2004
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8:58 pm
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"Tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles
Chasing tails
And coming back as we are
Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start"
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, April 9th, 2004
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9:42 pm
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Alex (9:39:15 PM): ok I am leaving in a min... don't work too hard.... and don't ever change... cause daysie...... you ROCK
Alex (9:39:17 PM): :-)
a girl needs friends like alex. between my cam, alex, and bobby, i have the best guys in my life. they're all the best. :)
i love you guys. *cheezy grin*
<3
current mood:  happy
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, April 7th, 2004
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6:49 pm
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Stolen from Erica who stole it from maya, who stole it from Stine, who stole it from beth, who stole it from nate...
1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says: " - ful in approximating the time of death. A condition referred to as algor mortis is the process in which the body temp -"
2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?: empty pibb x-tra can
3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?: CSI Miami
4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is: 5:30
5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?: 5:31. damn im good.
6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?: nothing. i have music going.
7: When did you last step outside? what were you doing?: about 30 minutes ago on my way back from the gym and grocery store
8: Before you came to this website, what did you look at?:
Spins.us
9: What are you wearing?: white shirt, jeans, glasses.
10: Did you dream last night?: Yes.
11: When did you last laugh?: a little but ago while at the grocery store w/ john.
12: What is on the walls of the room you are in?: madonna and microsoft posters, a flyer from the edge in DC for stereo, map of china, calendar.
13: Seen anything weird lately?: patrick trying to manipulate people who are my friends. that was weird.
14: What do you think of this quiz?: i like it! :)
15: What is the last film you saw?: breakin. ahaha
16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?: i dont know. haha i'd prolly be in shock and not know what to do with myself.
17: Tell me something about you that I don't know: i have on no pants at the moment.
18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?: get rid of the damn man.
19: Do you like to dance?: YEP!
20: George Bush: "George Bush is Sauron. Save the Shire!"
21: Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?: hmm i dunno. i used to think i knew but now i just dont.
21: Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?: ^^same answer ^^
22: Would you ever consider living abroad?: uh. haha yes. asap please.
23: Name the one person you miss the most: my grandma.
24: What is the one thing you should be doing right now?: Homework.
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, April 6th, 2004
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1:41 pm - trying to be positive...
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things i like about today:
~translanticism and where i got it from
~seeing the baby squirrels wrestle outside the window of my classroom while in class
~the flowers on the trees
~talking to keven today about his abs for a good 20 minutes and him being so dang excited his skinny ass finally has a 4 pack.
~it being 65 degrees today
~walking home through the grass w/ no shoes on
~feeling the grass in between my toes
~class getting out early
~home made granola
~my new user pic thing i stole off of a message board
things i like about everyday:
~my family
~netta just being awesome
~bobby being hyper about his hair/shoes/niece/maggie/music/girls
~keven just being hyper in general
~waking up @ 9:15 and saying good morning to cameron
~alex being a huge nerd and having a job im jealous of
~dr. pepper
~my baby pink gingham dress i got at the Winston-Salem rummage sale
~my legs looking better and better
~BT's older stuff
~spins.us
~Strawberry Yoplait Light ©
~cranberry juice (from a retention pond NOT a bog)
~cookie
~evil steve and richard hatch
~how fat my dog is and how happy she is to see me
~being me
<3
current mood:  crazy
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, April 1st, 2004
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9:04 pm
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"Apple today announced the PowerPod, the world’s smallest portable video and music player with integrated video and digital camera. The device can hold over 1,000 songs or 100 movies and will be available in the summer of 2004 for $699 from the Apple Store and Apple Authorized Resellers throughout the U.S. The PowerPod is a half-inch thick, encased in an ultra-portable lightweight durable body and is available in 20, 40 and 60GB models.
The PowerPod features a hi-resolution 5 x 3.5-inch touch-screen LCD and a 1.2 megapixel integrated digital camera, users can record and view movies while on the go or perform wireless video messaging while connected via a WiFi network. The dual external speakers can be used for audio playback for movies or for private listening with an external headphone jack. It also features an integrated microphone for video conferencing.
With a 400Mhz RISC processor the USB 2.0 and FireWire handheld runs on the new Mac OS Portable OS. Basically, a stripped down version with PDA and Video functionality intended primarily for Video recording and playback, instant messaging, web browsing, email and address book."
*starts rolling her change* GOD i love gadgets.
<3
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, March 31st, 2004
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1:44 pm - they were right. i CAN'T eat just one *pout*
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Another reason Canada is looking SO much better:
That's right. Dill Pickle Lay's potato chips. I am currently sitting here munching on chips that make me WAY too happy. I found a giant sized bag. I'm going to eat them all. every... last... one. and you cant stop me. :0P
upon a little research, i found they are mainly sold in canada, where they are made. which would make sense why i found them in the "international foods" section of my grocery store. now if only Canada had Dr. Pepper. hmmmmm
<3
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(8 comments | comment on this)
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pink_kore's journal
nostalgic
